It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
