(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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