What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
