I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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