That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
