i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
