By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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