Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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