I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
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I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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