you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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