Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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