As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
