the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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