she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
