I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
