I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
