NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
