You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
