The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Houston, we have a squirter
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
