If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize