that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
