He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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