if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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