A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
