apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
