Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He passed out mid-signature
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just want nice things and good sex
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
