I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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