I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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