Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
