It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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