He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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