Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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