Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize