I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
