She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
