I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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