I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
