I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
