Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
did i just pee glitter
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
