look no pants
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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