if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We left the knife in your bed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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