I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
