You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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