Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
