TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
