She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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