writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
