Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize