You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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