I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
