The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
