I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
