yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
