He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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