I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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