how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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