listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
