i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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