This is not my ceiling
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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