I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
