omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Mom said you looked used
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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