he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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