Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
