Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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