I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
