i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
