those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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