The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
