Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
