i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
