Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
