Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
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Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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